The personal essay is probably the most dreaded part of any college application because writing about oneself is exceptionally difficult. Many students fear that they won’t have enough to say in their essays, so they use overblown imagery and repetitive language that makes their essays wordy and bloated.
However, clear, direct writing that makes its point and moves on is more interesting and much easier to read. The people who read the application essays aren’t assessing your creativity or command of metaphor. They are looking for applicants who will succeed on their campuses and help maintain the quality of their school, so unless you’re applying for a creative writing or art program, it’s better to be direct and omit the flowery stuff.
The introduction of your essay is especially tricky because it needs to a) hook the reader’s interest and b) indicate that you are responding to the prompt so that readers aren’t floundering or guessing. These pointers apply specifically to the essay’s first paragraph, but they are also good to keep in mind for the entire essay.
Don’t try to be poetic or dramatic. One student compared himself to a flower in his mother’s garden, an unconvincing metaphor for most teenage boys. Another referred to the single song he’d written as his “magnum opus” and said how much his mother praised it (another no-no because it’s your mother’s job to think you’re great). I often see similarly overwrought imagery, especially in the first and last paragraphs of essay drafts, and it rarely does what the writer intends it to.
Another common error is to dwell on the first time you did whatever it is that you’re passionate about. In general, your first violin lesson or tennis class is less interesting than your ongoing participation in whatever activity you’re writing about, especially if your parents selected it when you were small. College admissions committees are generally not interested in how bad you were at practicing in fifth grade because they know that you’ve grown and changed since them. They want to know what you are like now so that they can picture you succeeding on their campus.
Avoid talking about childhood events (anything before high school) unless they relate to who you are today. For example, I once had a student who tried to write about having cancer at age 2. However, he barely remembered his illness, so there wasn’t much to write about. Ultimately, he wrote about something else.
Also avoid talking about your parents’ struggles unless they have a direct bearing on your life. Their stories are not yours. However, it’s fine to mention them briefly as part of an essay about how your particular culture, religion, or ethnicity has affected you. For example, one student who wrote about struggling to belong confessed to throwing away the lunches her mother packed for her because she didn’t want the other kids to make comments about her “weird food.”
Only discuss your sexuality or gender identity if it has caused significant disruption in your life that affected your grades and test scores. For example, a student who gets thrown out of their house for coming out or being pregnant might tell their story, but if you just experienced the “normal” range of coming out issues, it’s probably better to write about something else. On a similar note, don’t copy the student who wrote about cruising in his sports car and picking up a girl at a traffic light. The admissions committee is definitely not going to be impressed by someone who brags about getting girls instead of talking about his career aspirations. Keep your audience in mind!
Don’t discuss interests, activities, or hobbies that you no longer do. If you don’t have extracurricular activities right now, what do you do instead? I had a student who didn’t participate in anything because he spent his afternoons at his grandfather’s bedside in a nursing home. It turned out that he had done some volunteer work at the home as well, so he wrote about that experience instead.
In short, remember that the folks who read your essay have to get through a whole stack of them, and that many essays are not well-written. You want your essay to read like a breath of fresh air, to be the one that stands out in their minds after they finish reading the stack. Write about what’s meaningful to you in direct, clear language that looks towards the future instead of back at the past. Who you are is good enough without all that padding.
Elizabeth Breau, Ph.D. (she/her), is an award-winning writing coach and private English tutor. Her book, History According to SAT: A Content Guide to SAT Reading and Writing, won a silver medal in the teen category from the Nonfiction Authors Association. You can reach her at elizabeth.breau@gmail.com.
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